#3: Karl Malone, aka the Mailman
Karl Malone is one of the greatest power forwards and scorers to ever play the game, and if it weren’t for Micheal Jordan, he and John Stockton could have been a dynasty to end the 1990s. One of the strongest players to ever play, he was given one of the best nicknames ever for one simple reason: mailmen always deliver.
One issue with that: the postal service does not deliver on Sundays or holidays, as Scottie Pippen pointed out. A great nickname needs to be flawless, and thanks to one very big flaw, Malone doesn’t quite crack the top two. There’s a difference between very good and great.
#2: Rudy Gobert, aka the Stifle Tower
Rudy Gobert is a man of many names. The French Rejection, the Gobert Report, and Gobzilla. Stifle Tower is far and away the best. French Rejection is rather lazy, Gobert Report is fun but it doesn’t tie into his playstyle at all, and Gobzilla is just dumb.
I like Stifle Tower because it mentions his insane shot-blocking abilities and also pays homage to his French origins. As I said, a good nickname needs to mention some on-court ability, and as one of the best shot blockers of this generation, it makes perfect sense to give him this one. Regardless of how you feel about Gobert now that he’s moved on to play for the Minnesota Timberwolves, one thing can be certain: Gobert deserves a spot on this list.